Thursday, June 30, 2011

becoming weather...



the weather is our collective reflection in our sky mirror.

this is unarguably clear to me as i try to find space for myself,, my heart, my lungs, in the ferocity of the red sun, yellow haze, black smoke,the terror that is the los alamos fire... the forces that scream at me, strangle me into PAYING ATTENTION to the climate i am unconsciously helping to create...

i pray for rain.

my actions, and my thought-actions, are not an accident. they are calculated now, deliberate...if i am to be creating, i want this to be a conscious act, and a positive one; bringing vitality and not destruction.

here's a new-ish poet to whom i've come; he speaks about becoming weather:





Becoming Weather, 21
by Chris Martin

I was out interviewing clouds amassing
the notes of a sky pornographer while patches


of the city subnormalized
by fear of fear like a reef bleaching closed


I took to the streets
looking for a human velocity

feeling disequilibrium

heavy in the abundance
of summer light
the silent apathy
of stars which is neither
silent nor apathetic
I am becoming weather
and
I don't
plan on doing
it alone

Friday, June 10, 2011

all the same. ....?

thanks to ian for this magical, powerful message.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGNBS6_0CCw&

thoughts?

Thursday, June 9, 2011

open heart

to dance within and between the shadows of shapes that shift secretly. i am suddenly solid. shaken from a dream-- suspension.

something summery. a time to play with notions of goals, of schedules shattered, to be tweaked to new rhythms.

our thoughts are forming the world. so says my teabag. & the heart sees deeper than the eye. my backbends are becoming easier, more joy-filled...does this mean that i am more open to sharing love? does this mean that my heart is growing? does this mean that i'm embracing some level of vulnerability?

Sunday, May 15, 2011

beginnings...continuously.

gathered during the school year, but not processed. i return to this idea to ride on through the summer...

beginnings. each moment. to nourish.



Elegy in Joy [excerpt]
by Muriel Rukeyser

We tell beginnings: for the flesh and the answer,
or the look, the lake in the eye that knows,
for the despair that flows down in widest rivers,
cloud of home; and also the green tree of grace,
all in the leaf, in the love that gives us ourselves.

The word of nourishment passes through the women,
soldiers and orchards rooted in constellations,
white towers, eyes of children:
saying in time of war What shall we feed?
I cannot say the end.

Nourish beginnings, let us nourish beginnings.
Not all things are blest, but the
seeds of all things are blest.
The blessing is in the seed.

This moment, this seed, this wave of the sea, this look, this instant of love.
Years over wars and an imagining of peace. Or the expiation journey
toward peace which is many wishes flaming together,
fierce pure life, the many-living home.
Love that gives us ourselves, in the world known to all
new techniques for the healing of the wound,
and the unknown world. One life, or the faring stars.

[LOVE is all you need.]

Friday, April 29, 2011

breathing room

the wind...

it's more powerful than i've ever experienced it here...or anywhere for that matter...

stripping the desert raw; scoured of pretense...screaming at me, so confrontational i can hardly bear it, and i crumble. collapse.
admit. yes,
i did it,
i'm guilty.


even though i know not what of.

and i believe it.

what a gift to go into the yoga studio today. into a space in which i could BREATHE without fear; of dust, of being swallowed alive, of being swept away, of being ripped to shreds of a something once self.

emily's words sent my mind to places and faces of people for whom this essential luxury-- not just the luxury of yoga and a beautiful bamboo floor and shelter from the wind, but the luxury of BREATHING deeply-- is not even imaginable.

how blessed i am to live without the fear of exhaling; how paradisal to live this ability to relax to sink in to let go.

may i always see it; appreciate it; shine it; cultivate it.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

forgetting re-memory


there is much in my day to capture...and it amazes me how much i fear forgetting...i think it's because so much of the time i can only see GOODNESS in retrospect, wonder in the re-memory...and so, if there's no account, no archive, no catalogue of that thoughtfeelingexperience, where does it go?

it's lost, lost.

so this poem in my inbox this morning, but unopened until just now captures this anxiety, just a bit. and transforms it. just a bit.


forgetting something
by Nick Flynn

Try this—close / your eyes. No, wait, when—if—we see each other / again the first thing we should do is close our eyes—no, / first we should tie our hands to something / solid—bedpost, doorknob—otherwise they (wild birds) / might startle us / awake. Are we forgetting something? What about that / warehouse, the one beside the airport, that room / of black boxes, a man in each box? I hear / if you bring this one into the light he will not stop / crying, if you show this one a photo of his son / his eyes go dead. Turn up / the heat, turn up the song. First thing we should do / if we see each other again is to make / a cage of our bodies—inside we can place / whatever still shines

so in case i forget to remember...

today was...

another song.

Monday, April 25, 2011

LisTeNinG tO thE ever-never cHiLd




The theme of 6th Grade Lit is THE HERO'S (or in the case of our girls...) HEROINE'S JOURNEY; all year in Will's class, the girls have been reading seemingly most different-est :) texts that carry this archetypal arc, with all of its conventional punctuations and nuances: they started with the easy "hook" read of PERCY JACKSON & the LIGHTNING THIEF-- but at the most profound heart of this whole study was an in-depth exploration of THE LITTLE PRINCE....They've already written the most sensational thesis-driven critical literary essays about this book [back in February when they finished the book--

I wrote one too; it was about Chapter XX and dealt with a redefinition of "value" and "worth" as being not what certain objects or creatures mean to others but rather what they mean to each of us, individually...In this tiny chapter the little prince encounters an entire garden of bloom bursting roses and so realizes that his own flower is not unique but instead simply one of manymanymany...this breaks his heart and sets him sobbing...I initially thought, like the girls, that having to focus on one single chapter of this tiny book-- a mere handful, if that, of pages, would make writing this paper impossible-- but I managed to overturn my own misconception by finding magic, and rich depth for analysis in these few simple words...

So today, when a student's father-- of whom I've only, previously, seen the gruff, abrasive, truly "adult" side-- brought in his collection of dozens of editions of THE LITTLE PRINCE, gathered carefully over a so-far lifetime, I could begin to understand his characterization of this book as a Bible in his own universe of experience. "For any question I've ever encountered, I've found an answer in this book..."

We talked about naming & taming, we talked about counting, we talked about fear, and we talked about Antoine de Saint-Exupery and his inspirations, we talked about this book's open-endedness, about its capacity for interpretation, and simultaneously its primordial construction in relation to this "hero's journey" concept; we talked about what makes something a classic, and we talked about audience, and we talked about the worlds of children and adults-- overlapping, and yet so distant from one another, and our ability to, with a link to some reminder like the little prince, move between the two without losing that child-like quality of wonder retained, clarity of vision, truth of heart-- that "sees what is invisible to the eye" and therefore, what is truly important...The girls were rapt, and were fully engaged, asking college level questions and answering with little princely profundity...They wowed me; but even more was I thrilled to have my own assumptions about this growelly, grisly, bristling grown-up completely turned on their collective silly heads: his own commitment to keeping his own child-self awake was something he talked about so candidly, and so powerfully; and what I realized was that even though he clearly doesn't succeed always in living in-tune with this self, the fact that he has this awareness, and the tool by which to constantly check himself in this pursuit is so admirable, and it is what matter in the end...not the "success"....How do you measure the way in which a book has shaped your life? How can you know what your life would have been like without the impact that such a story had, and continues to have in each revisiting of its pages? Like this man said, you simply can't know...You can't quantify it either. And yet, you can't imagine your SELF without its guidance...

As he talked about his desire to have children coming out of a hope for a reconnection to childhood; expressing his delight and his gratitude in his ability to dwell in imagination, to create, to dream under the baobabs and volcanoes and bird flocks and roses that he painted on to the walls of his daughter's bedroom....I couldn't help thinking myself that, yes, this is why I teach...And why I teach this demographic specifically...They bring me back, every day, to a moment in my own life when this spirit was most alive...She was the person who believed that,

"If somebody wants a sheep, that is a proof that one exists"

& that

"Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them."

And in this space, with these girls, she is once again able to breathe, and scream, and laugh, and sing, and wonder without consequence or fear of things unsensed but just imposed as important...

And it sometimes takes a grown man exposing and celebrating his own vulnerability and connection to a Neverland that is truerthetrue, for me to remember this...and to accept it, and to embrace it....